Banksy’s middle name might be Kim. As in Kim Gordon. As in Kim Deal. Kims that are about as cool as it gets. Banksy’s uber super cool. If I knew her better when I named her, Kim might have been her name.

It’s hard to hang out with cool people all day long. You feel little in their presence, and can’t really do anything right. Pretty much whatever you do, it’s not going to measure up. The cool people, they don’t especially care what you’re doing, so doesn’t matter if you’re messing up or not, but still. Who wants to be the bumbling drooler in front of the cool girl? It’s a confidence issue, we’ve been working on this ever since 1979.

“I want you to want me.” Cheap Trick, 1979

I did name Banksy after Banksy, who’s probably cool, him being secret it’s hard to know for sure. He does do things his own way, so far out of the box that the cops are always after him. Banksy and the Kims, all of them are fantastically, over the top talented. But also very cool.

Banksy can give me a look, then just go about her business. This might be chewing on her bed, or staring at a dust speck on the floor. I’m not incredibly relevant to her life. Unless she needs something, maybe a ball thrown, some tugging, but when it’s not on her terms, she’s all, Whatevs. Or whatever cool people say.

She’s happy, but she’s no slap happy dork. She would never, ever be caught dead watching Oprah or wearing non ironic clogs. She has her quirks, she loves staring at microscopic particles of hair or dirt above anything else. She’s not out there doing meaningless laps with the tennis ball. Even if she’s falling off a log, paws too big and body to small to stay on, she tumbles off and doesn’t give it another thought. Or me. She’s not into hugs. But when she’s ready to go, she turns on her intensity with a laser switch, and KAPOW! Watch out. When she’s done, she’s cool having a nap. Or having some alone time. She goes ON, then she goes off. All on her terms.

Little clicker tricks? She’ll do them. She’s down with the corporate chain of command. Banksy’s no dummy, that’s for sure. There’s a hand that feeds. Speak truth to power. She’s all, You pay brilliance with a hot dog morsel? Whatever.

My goal is to continue worming my way into her inner circle, become one of the entourage. BFF might be asking too much. But her most trusted and beloved manager, who’s on her payroll but who is really running the show, is an aspiration. Also personal trainer, chef and chauffeur. I’ve never had direct access to a rockstar before. She’s sleeping under my chair right now. So maybe we’re headed in the right direction.