Stuff you don’t want to hear while you’re in puppy class.


Banksy has a stay. Somewhat of a stay. A work in progress stay.

I am trying to take some puppy classes with a couple new instructors. I want to learn! I may be unteachable but I’m trying hard here. Banksy is VERY teachable so I am sure there’s hope for us! So I’m trying out different things, to see what’s the right fit for us, since my regular, super best teacher has been traveling around for important agility business.

I don’t think I’m a terrible trainer. Maybe I used to be. And there is a lot of room for improvement. Big huge pants room. As much room as a Costco. Or as much as a giant Ikea shipping warehouse with 100 loading docks. As much as Slovenia. As much as Russia! Somebody teach Russia. I am way more teachable than Russia. So a lot of room. I’m trying to learn stuff here. Not hear cattiness.

Here’s some things you probably don’t want your instructor to say to you, or to the class, or to someone else when you are RIGHT THERE and can hear them.

Announcing to the class that your puppy is the OCD puppy. My puppy stares at shit. We are working like crazy on this. And she stares at it less. A little bit labely for puppy class, righty-o?

After you have successfully rebooted your puppy, after a puppy meltdown when the other puppies are doing tunnels, and there are big dogs doing agility just across the field, and yep, you had to drag your puppy outside class for a few minutes to get her brain back, which is the whole reason you are IN PUPPY CLASS, you probably don’t want to hear how you thought it would be so easy to train a border collie so that’s why you got one. That they’re hard to train. Um, yeah. If I was looking for easy to train, probably border collie would have been way at the bottom of my list. You know what would be good to hear? More about the questions I am asking, how to keep her under threshold so there’s less brain melting down when all the other dogs are RUNNING! With TOYS!

Hear that you’re the lady who has a gentle, quiet, low energy dog, and then got a border collie, and have that be the punchline of funny joke about how the whole class had to go work on boring, stupid restrained recalls. Hear it in whispery, judgey tones. OK. So maybe it is a funny joke! But MY funny joke. Not yours, she who is the teacher of the class.

I’ve had a lot of training challenges with all my dogs. Different kinds of challenging, different kinds of challenges. How about training a dog with ammonia in their brain who doesn’t understand most of what you’re trying to say? How about training a dog who hates all other dogs? And most other people. How about training a dog who is feral and so over the top of out of control she is foraging for food from on top of the refrigerator and chases down anything moving, and so you became a super beginner in a wild and fast sport like her called, agility?

All 3 of those dogs were my dogs. And they were little and way easier to capture in times of training woe. Now I have a wild ass border collie puppy who isn’t so tiny! And we’re having a blast! Most of the time. I happily have made it through 2 more puppy classes with no dragging outside and relaxing in the crate, with happily taking treats and tugging and doing everything right! Sure. I make mistakes. Probably as many as a giant Ikea shipping warehouse with 100 loading docks. Millions and trillions of them! So I ‘m trying to get better. I’ve trained enough dogs, and taught enough foundation classes myself to know how to trust my dog, and I might make choices to do stuff, say, not put my over the top puppy through a bunch of tunnels, til she’s more ready.

Cuz I thinka, tunnels, not going to be a big training issue. Not as much as brain focus on all the little tasks at hand. So this is what we’re working on, now, today, and in class. Just making brain focus the fun project. I didn’t think I was being difficult, I just thought I had a wild puppy and was someone trying to do a good job. So off we go, time to go train my puppy.