I know, I know, I keep saying I’m staying out of the forest.

But here we go again.

Is there a job like this? Like it’s your job to go to the forest, and ask your dogs to jump on things and take their photos?

Like you would get up, have a banana with your coffee in the car, go do this, go home, take the photos out of your camera while the dogs snooze under the desk, fix the pictures up however they need fixing, send them into the internet, repeat the whole process after lunch, and then you get a paycheck for it?

Maybe that job’s called lottery ticket. Amazing windfall you didn’t see coming. Retirement?

Also on that job there’s no coyotes. Or meth addicts in rain boots waving tennis rackets. Or cops. Or lady with the two mean dogs straining in huge pinch collars that are just this close to breaking free of her even though she’s got them pulled off to the side shouting, “JUST GO BY, I GOT ‘EM!” over their very loud roars. Or human poops shoved under leaves right on the trail. Or pumas. Or drone parties in the air over the meadow on random Monday evenings. Or dirt bikers screaming down the logging road. Or rancid water puddles where the creek used to be.

Or even if the job had those things, I’d still take it. Does anybody know this job? Consider this my application, you know where to find me.