Happy Oscar Day! We just met the stylists poolside at the Chateau lobby. We narrowed it down to either the gown by Stella McCartney or the skort by Alexander McQueen.

Father John Misty’s wearing a skort! So skort it is.

The diamonds are by Harry Winston. As usual, their generosity in lending such beautiful blood gems dug from the earth by the nailless fingers of sad little slave children in the Congo is so appreciated. Thanks, diamond industry!

Banksy’s been nominated for for best pole entries from a distance on the hard open left side in the 18″ division. Kirk is also nominated. It will be a tight race, but Banksy’s gracious demeanor means she’ll have nice manners even if she doesn’t get the Oscar and even if Kirk says Banksy can’t sit by her. Sharing is caring, Banksy. Also all nominees get a gift bag and it’s rumored to have chicken in it.

Hollywood and Highland’s a busy spot tonight. We remember it way back when, when it was just another way too busy intersection in Hollywood. Look at it now, my god, the shoulder blades we’ve seen already. We’re spackling on our spanx and getting ready to cik/cap around our hydrant all the way to that red carpet.

We’re not relinquishing any seats to any seat fillers, not tonight, no sirree. And we’re hoping the bear from the Leonard Dicaprio movie has to stay in it’s crate. Any big party plans for after the ceremony? We’re not able to say. But it will probably involve tennis balls. Back to you, Oprah.