Oh Dear. I’ve bitten off a big chewy bite of dog training now, with my promise of taking you on a journey of Greg Derrett, Team Small Dog style. Like when you stuff all the sushi in your mouth in front on the sushi chef and he looks at you, and you know he’s thinking, gross, disgusting, rice dribbling, soy sauce drooling lady. No free sake bombs for you. But have no fear. I have asked to borrow the Greg Derrett videos! Although, you remember last time I tried to watch dog training videos. Attention span of a flea. But I haven’t seen the Greg Derrett ones in years and maybe now that I always sometimes wistfully actually remember to use my Handling System that I subscribe to I will have a longer attention span to better translate to both my agility friends and my non agility friends who I will reel in thinking that I have a subscription to a Dog Agility Boyfriend. And we will do it to sizzling disco grooves and we’re going to have a grand time.

But for right now, can I tell you about Gustavo’s wart? We pretty much just call him warty face now. Not that I don’t have a Timmy with real and genuine medical problems that I should be thinking about, but disgusting facial warts are a nice way to think about something that isn’t Timmy pacing and heavy breathing on the floor here next to me. This one I guess is histiosomethingnotcancerousprobably. I am very lucky that 2 of my beloved customers are small animal vets and since my dogs are part of the landscape at work, there is no avoiding vets for my dogs. They just think it’s nice ladies at work letting them sit on their laps. So this kind of wart is the kind that most people start to freak out of the ugliness when it reaches the size of your thumbnail. Which is the precise size that they should start falling off all on their lonesome, sans surgery. According to the histiowhateveritis wart belief system. Vets learn this stuff in vet school just like we learn handling consistency in dog agility school. And all the vets I know were WAY better students of veterinary medicine than I am at dog agility school.

So one of my beloved vets is more of a surgeon type, performing important dog saving surgeries every day, and she said he could just come in on Monday and she’d hack that thing off and stitch him up. But the other beloved vet is of the Just Let the Damn Thing Go Away On It’s Own school of wart belief. Which she says is hard because it’s at this thumb size that people really start to do things like writing up little stories about their dog’s wart and then not being able to stand the sight of it and getting it hacked off and stitched up. I’m tending to try and use patience and not looking at his face so much and just hoping the thing goes away. Dealing with nose stitches on a dog that never sits still? Who is getting ready to go on a journey of dog training that will turn him into a perfectly, well greased mini Hobbes? (Who is like totally the teacher’s pet of Correct Handling System usage. But like a really cool teacher’s pet, not one the other kids are going to gang up on and steal the pants of. )

There might just be this one little flaw in this whole plan. That I am somewhat unteachable. And teaching me tends to make things go horribly awry and end up with the furniture hooked up to earthquake machines and the paint all falling off the house. Oh boy. Good thing it will involve sizzling disco grooves.