So you know, I haven’t been yammering about Lighthouse Field much lately. Haven’t seen many rangers out there, and continue to walk my dogs out there nearly every day. Leash my ass.

Technically, this is still illegal activity. But we still do it. Selling meth out there is illegal too, those guys still do that. Just look for all black shorts and knee socks and hoodies if you need some meth!

And this is illegal too. Luckily not happening in fresh hot man shit from the growing homeless camper population out there.

And this is actually illegal. Whew, glad they’re not chasing all the feral cats we see since there’s hardly any dogs out there anymore.

Part of Lighthouse Field State Park includes Its Beach. My local neighborhood beach, where I take my dogs to run pretty much every single day. Dogs need to run, and this has always been the Dog Beach. We always walk through the field on the way there and on the way home.

Sometimes they stop running for a minute to rest. That is actually just as illegal as running, in case you were wondering.

And sit down. Oops. If they sit and not on a leash, it’s a misdemeanor.

And maybe even lay down. That was a lot of tennis ball fetches, Otterpop. Is illegal for her to lay down like that, but legal for the creepy drug addled guy to come and ask me for a cigarette.

So we always walk to and from the beach through the Field. Always have. Look who came running out of the bushes yelling at us today? Doens’t it seem like it would be hard to run with that many accessories attached to your accessory belt?

It’s Officer Borreson and Officer Walters! We’ve met Officer Walters before. But I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure, Officer Borreson. I called all the dogs in and they did a dog training sit and let me put on their leashes. I have really good dogs sometimes. I am pretty sure Officer Walters remembers us, because as soon as I whipped out my camera, he Loud Whispers to Officer Borreson, “Give her a 319.” That’s cop talk for a misdemeanor citation for having dogs off a leash in their new park. See, new park for them, old park for me. He told me he was going to video me too. I said that’s Super! Cuz I was going to photograph them. She’s calling in my info to see if I have any outstanding warrants in my name.

Officer Borreson was happy to write me up. Maybe she is like the waitress and Officer Walters like Top Chef? He just stood there all grumpy stink eye at me the whole time. One hand always right there by his sidearm. She had this really great eyeshadow on. But I didn’t ask her what shade that was. She asked me if anyone had ever asked me to leash my dogs out there. I told her I had to think about that for a while, since I’ve been walking them out there for like my whole life off leashes and that’s a lot of years to think about. Think, think, think. Um, Yeah! It’s been mentioned to me once or twice.

They wrote me up. $211 is what we believe it will cost AND I have to go to court for it. So after she handed it to me, I thanked them, and asked if they would be writing any tickets to that guy I saw sleeping in the bushes this morning when I walked off leash to the beach? Or the meth guys I saw yesterday? Or the creepy guy that was on the beach and actually why I left this morning? Well, Officer Walter’s answer was, “YOU NEED TO LEAVE THIS PARK NOW.”

I was like, “Like you mean, you’re kicking me out?”

Officer Walters stink eyes me again. Although he has on Terminator Style shades on so it’s hard to see. I think they were a present from our Governator! Maybe he was actually looking kindly at me.

“Yes, I am evicting you and you need to vacate the premises immediately.”

I said, in a nicey voice because I am a nicey lady, “Wait, how come you are KICKING ME OUT of my neighborhood park?”

He said in a not nicey voice that I have to paraphrase here because I didn’t bring my reporter’s notebook, although YAY I had my camera, because I knew the rules and I violated them and it was time for me to leave and not come back today. NOW. Like, if I can use my psychic What Do Rangers Think powers, I was knowingly being a naughty lady and maybe a little bit smarty pants and not at all like a nice waitress, and it made him irritated, and in his job, if he’s irritated, he can throw me out of his park. No more sharing. No more our park.