So today starts the exciting and dramatic story I like to call Courtroom Drama. Because you know I’ve already proven myself to be a drama queen. And today, August 26, coincidentally Day 2 of the Democratic National Convention that I am supposed to be covering for my friend Jon’s art project, yet haven’t due to working on my legal briefs or panties or whatever, is the day I have to go to Court for my Minor Violation of walking my dogs in Lighthouse Field.
If you are new to all this, Hi! and check here for how we got to this section of the story. It started in y2K when someone decided they didn’t like dogs meandering around out there. It’s a really long story.
So first of all, I needed to select a good costume for court wearing. I wanted to channel sort of a soccer mom, like Nancy Botwin. Wait. She is a criminal. That’s where the denim jacket idea came from. It says, upstanding citizen and not very fashion forward and maybe I drive a mini van? Dog agility lady? I think? Well, whatever. I thought I was nicer dressed than thug guy in line in front of me at least. But I get ahead of myself.
Do you recognize this Court? It is also known as scenic and glamorous site of my wedding! Right across the street from the dry cleaners.
Team Small Dog, minus dogs, parks here.
The Midget Mobile, covered in INSANE TROLLS parks next to us.
Guys, I am serious. Insane trolls cover the Midget Mobile in the parking lot of the Santa Cruz County Court Building.
Where they also have Wi-Fi.
But no pets. Doesn’t that pet look familiar? It’s totally Gustavo! Being a law abiding Nancy Botwin of a citizen, did not bring dogs in. Or a camera. I was ready to sketch. Because that is what you do in the courtroom. I brought a pen and some pieces of paper. Old school.
So I go to the basement. Where Traffic/Minor Violations Court is. There’s not even a metal detector, but it does say NO GUNS OR KNIVES on the sign. Walking around with my dogs in the park is a Minor Violation, according to the State. I am proud to say didn’t even cross my mind to bring a gun or knife. I just like to walk my dogs is all. Sheesh.
Stand in line. There’s a nice lady in a striped shirt at a ticket window, like you would go to buy your ticket to the circus. She has the computer back there. A very old computer, the kind with a black window and bright green light up words in it. What was it’s name? Dos? Unix? Poor striped shirt lady works in a dark basement with a plastic vine on her gray cube wall and even though out front they rave about their Wi-Fi, she just has Dos for a friend. And no pets.
I gave her my ticket, with my Court Date right there at the bottom. She types it in.
It’s not there! Whoa! Can you say Midget Mobile? She says sometimes it just takes a while. I’m like, “But it said I had to come in Today or I’d get a warrant? And then they don’t even put me in there?”
She’s like, “Yeah.”
I’m kind of like, just standing there. It is sort of an anticlimactic feeling. I stayed up super late writing my little speech of why I was pleading Not Guilty using most excellent words and needed a Real Court Date to go in the no guns or knives room, and this blonde lady in a striped t-shirt says I’m just not in there yet.
She takes a pen, the old fashioned thing people used to write with, grabs my ticket, and writes down 9-11-2008 on it. “Check back then. You should be in. You should get a letter too.”
OK. Are you serious? Send Team Small Dog in on September 11? Can you say Midget Mobile AGAIN? Stay tuned for more Courtroom Drama coming at you sometime after September 11. Coincidence? I think not.