Short of that happening, then no, we’re not going. I thought it would be like Woodstock and we are all in our VW bus driving there summer of love and we make tie dyes in the mud and have a cookout and all the dogs are so happy and Gary is like, “Groovy! I feel like I am in Marfa!”

Did you totally get the grooviness vibes of the Labor Day Weekend of Agility Love? I was just oozing groovy out of every single pore. 2 reds in a row in Snooker and Groovy! Ruby you are coming back out that chute the wrong way but Groovy! That was a missed contact like you never do Otterpop in Grand Prix finals but Groovy! I am a Winner too because I won a dog bed in a raffle so Groovy!

But Ruby was the first one to chime in, “Not groovy, I would like to spend my bye on sleeping-in-crate-coupons instead and not really go and have to do actual running unless there will be sheep there or Hobbes is tied to the dirt nite fence barking at me.” And off she went to go dig up a bone.

Then Gary said, “Like hell we are all going to Scottsdale Arizona. You guys go. Dog show not equals vacation.” I should point out Gary spent sensitive high school years in a townhouse near Scottsdale Arizona and involves not happy memories and hitchhiking far, far away from there asap and never to return. Another story for another day. He had a lovely time at the regionals but it was half an hour from our house and he only went for one hour. Nationals not the same.

And I am like, “But I said I would wear a tucked in polo shirt and you have read what a love festival 4 days of dog shows equals, everyone feeling the love and it is so fun and I am sketching with pens and not even FREAKING OUT due to breakage of another camera, perhaps not coincidentally also manufactured by Canon and off to the camera hospital in Illinois! Um, vacationy!” This argument perhaps somewhat weak. I am in trouble for court if this is the best I can come up with.

And also is the whole sliding glass door excuse of the money. The cost of the Nationals trip equals 2 buckets of money. To miss a week of work I would throw 2 buckets of money into a toilet. Then putting in a sliding glass door and repainting due to the House Paint Fiasco equals 3 buckets of money. You take 2.5 of the gamblers seconds alloted and stand on your head and throw all the buckets of money in the toilet and that equals how many points you need.

So that is the answer. No. No Nationals for Team Small Dog this year. Unless, Hi Mr. Ken guy of USDAA, we for real offer to be the reporter and do courtroom sketches if you send us an airplane ticket and I put Otterpop in a Sherpa bag (ha HA, this would be quite a sight) and keep her from howling during cocktail service (do they still do this on airplanes? when is last time I went on airplane? I would need a cocktail with Otterpop stuffed in a sherpa bag trying to keep her from howling) and me and Otterpop stay in some motel with an internet. I would even keep actual track of who is winning and remember to write down with a pen! I would carry a little Notebook! And maybe even camera would be out of hospital by this time near Halloween?

Right, Katie does this all the time! She puts Jeep in a bag and off they go on airplane using internet in the blackberry? Off to go win things! I would not even win with Otterpop, promise all you 12″ people who are starting to be jealous, wait is Mr. Ken of USDAA sending HER AN AIRPLANE TICKET? I promise always to be 6 seconds slower than you guys! Jack and Porsche will win you guys, and then some giant corgis with super long tails. And Greg Louganis dogs and other jack russells, THEN comes Otterpop. So it is no worry to you if Otterpop comes.

Although unless you are picking up the phone RIGHT NOW to beg Mr. Ken the boss of USDAA to send us our AIRPLANE TICKET, then I think you are not seeing us there this year.

And yes, maybe it moves somewhere else in another year and I will regret this my entire life, the year I could have gone to the Nationals and didn’t and now it is in a more far away state such as something not actually touching California on an edge. But you know what? I could just go and get a new tattoo in that case. And maybe one day Otterpop and Gustavo both go together and Ruby can figure out what she wants to do then.