Dirt Nite started again. Oh my god. Just shoot me now. Night starts off with my giant, “mixed level” class which means I have beginner dogs, not beginner dogs, mean dogs, hyper dogs, dogs that do contacts, dogs that don’t, dogs with weave poles, some dogs without, experienced handlers, brand new handlers, teenage handlers, mobility challenged handlers. I can see your faces now. All the dog agility instructors are like, “Yeah, that kind of class.” I love my agility students. Hi Students! But this group, gonna keep me hopping and creative.

Then I try to do agility office hours, so people can get extra help. Then it’s time to dig out dogs. Find ’em in crates. 4 dogs, and my poor sluggy legs haven’t run this much in weeks. Run, run, run, run. By 8:30pm, I’ve gone off course like 3 times, slammed dogs through bars, screwed up discriminations, uh, anything else? Gustavo has barking freakout meltdowns any time a speedy black and white dog is running. Guess how many speedy black and white dogs at dog agility class? And if I try to get him to shut up, then Hobbes is barking. Stereo irritation! By 9:00, when someone else tries to throw treats at them to shut my barkers up, Ruby the GOOD DOG almost takes off someone’s hand trying to get a treat. Yeah, blood spurting. OH MY GOD. And there’s still barking. And Gustavo now has weave poles but has lost serpentine arm reading skills and not sure what else. Instead of cocktails on the veranda to end the night with, drag the whole course back through the dirt and into the trailer. Does ANYONE’S agility ever end with cocktails on the veranda? Does anyone even have a veranda?

Basically, unbridled mayhem of fiasco all night. This is what I go flying out of work a the crack of 5pm and drive fast to get there to drag stuff around and do this and dinner on dirt night equals banana? For the crowning ending, someone brings the dirt from the night into my house and it somehow puddle water activates dirt nite paws and all of a sudden everywhere, tiny black paw prints because the guilty party is running and running and running through the house with a squeaky santa in tow to make up for all those screwed up serpentines and did I ask you to just shoot me yet?