Otterpop asked me the other day, in a very unpleasant voice, “What, Beeyatch, you stopped with the blog thing now? Because how will the people know when I take over the world?”
Oh Otterpop. I am boring and old now and my neck hurts and all the readers went away when I stopped putting up agility videos with copyrighted soundtracks to get unposted by YouTube. L-O-S-E-R. Or maybe all the Team Small Dog Readers went over to Three Woofs and a Woo and Susan Garrett’s blog. All the search words that people type in the internet to send them here now are words like Small Ass. Did you type in Small Ass to google and come here? Looking for small asses and instead, Hi! It’s Laura and here are my dog pictures! Now go visit Susan Garrett and she’ll tell you about 2×2 weave poles and some inspirational crap and you can laugh at funny captions for border collie photos taken with a fancy lens by that Canadian girl who is probably size 5 and has no gray hairs and her own personal border collie herd.
Otterpop reflects for a moment, then is all, “You stopped putting up videos of Me? You know I will have to plot against you now. Ugly Fat Cow.” Gustavo started to cry. Ruby apparently started having an allergic reaction from the shock of it all and her tongue swelled up in her mouth over this disclosure. She is so sensitive, that Ruby.
Yet wait, Team Small Dog has a plan! Maybe the readers will come back if we sit here and wait and look like a nice dog agility team. Isn’t that what we’re famous for, screwing up in dog agility yet looking cute? Like ambassadors for plucking random stray dogs off the streets and sort of training them not to be assholes? And getting you in trouble in Lighthouse Field with cops? Small Fast Kick Yer Ass? Running in the Forest? We can wait for them to come back.
We are good at waiting. But actually it is more preferable to wait for the cat we spy over there. Because it could jump off the fence. Actually, as it turns out, that is what we would rather wait for.
“Because Cats are For to Eat!” Oh. Just. Stab. The Knife. In Deeper, Gustavo. Because that’s how the dogs talk on Three Woofs and a Woo. Like already stooping awfully low here, writing dog dialog. Isn’t that like writing personalized Star Trek porn novellas?
Who cares because We shall pounce on a cat like so when it falls from the sky like cat rain and we shall call it the Day it Rained Cats in the Backyard When Laura Did not even Take us On a Walk and Did not Even Write in the Blog Due to Her Boringness!
Then Otterpop and Gustavo ran away to play with the dog toy which was much less boring than me. They are probably escaping through the back gate right now to go find a less boring owner on the next block. Maybe the lady that owns Icey. She seems not very boring and totally cute outfits whenever she walks Icey and doesn’t make him do dog training stuff.
But Ruby stayed to wait. So she’s out there waiting now. She’s gonna get cold. Shivering! Come on you guys. She looks like Fenwick over at Elite Forces of Fuzzy Destruction. But is a girl! Shivering! Um, is it because I raised drawing prices? Got all navel gazey? Put on that Xmas 10lbs? She’s shivering, people! We’ll go to a dog show next weekend and I swear I’ll write about it! Swear! Shivering!