Kind of old school circa 2007 real estate discussion where you see, nothing, really, changes.

A long time ago, if a long time is a couple years ago, all I would talk about is how we were buying a ranch. If there was a flat property over 3 acres with some kind of livable teepee or wigwam or single wide on it, anywhere in the county, I’d seen it and could tell you all the stats on the acreage and the neighbors and the drainage and maybe even we’d put an offer in on it or fallen out of escrow on it.

You remember.

Because you would see me and go, “Hey, Laura, how’s it going?”

And I’d be all, “OMG, there’s this property for sale out on Amesti and it’s listed at 829k and it’s 4 acres and has this totally livable modular except the drainage is sort of weird and it has this great shed and south facing exposure except the county has this zoning thing on record because of the cows and…”

And you sort of were backing away with a glazed over look in your eye because you did not sign up to have a junior real estate freakazoid as your friend/wife/relative/trainer/etc.

And then blah blah blah economy prices mortgage job freeway etc and let’s cut to the chase. I don’t have a ranch, don’t know if I ever will and that sucks but I am dealing with it just fine. When I typed that I might have gritted my teeth together just a little bit but then I stopped. Got a very decent one to work at now and let’s just leave it at that. It may curtail certain things in my life such as the horses and the job and the dogs and the border collie and the agility and the open space and the tractor, but things could be worse. And now I have a sliding glass door out here on the Westside that all the neighbors with their 2 story houses can see me in right now.

That you neighbor? Avert yer damn eyes. Or I’ll send out the dogs.

But I still keep an eye peeled. Can’t help it and you never know.

So the real estate ads and their copywriting, another story for another day. They still come into my email all the time. That eye peeling thing. I sort of have to share this one. I couldn’t have written it better myself:

4 bedroom 3 bath home located on aprox. one acre. Currently red tagged and deemed unsafe to occupy by the County of Santa Cruz due to a major landslide behind the home. Needs new roof, floors, carpet and appliances. Has one insurance claim due to water damage.

I swear on god and dog and the easter bunny that is copied and pasted from the email and I did not make up one single word. Not a syllable or vowel or nothing.

You are wondering, how much? In this day and age of foreclosures and rock bottom prices and short sale and bank owned, how much for this monstrosity that is up in the deep dark mountains, where wet mossy strand clumps wave down from the redwoods, where all the cabins are painted brick red and sometimes have no glass in a window and the huskies kept chained to the trees? Where shuffling Charles Manson haired sex offenders wander the road, walking pitbull crosses on frayed ropes and poisoning cats from the privacy of the dingy travel trailers parked outside your bathroom window?

This one for sale for the rock bottom, low low price of $650,000.

This is Santa Cruz, my friends. You love it or you leave it alone.