Big Pink had to go home last week, so there’s been no new teeter totter excitement.
At the practice field, that teeter slams uncontaminated and fast and happy for Gustavo, and if I had a bottle of botox for every time I said if only dog shows happened where we practice, I would be an unwrinkled, frozen faced, expressionless biyatch of smoothness instead of a haggard old leatherface with lip wrinkles.
For big fun today, we practiced the teeter with scarey, blowing tarps set up every which way. Damn tarps. Not scary at the practice field. If only dog shows happened where we practice. If I had a bucket of nickels for every time I said that, I’d have the biggest squirrel made of nickels standing on top of my roof that anyone has ever seen, instead of just old rotting roof shingles.
At the practice field, Otterpop runs fast and does hard gambles from 50 feet away. If only dog shows happened where we practice. Oh hell. If I had a basket of chihuahuas for every time I said that, my god. Over run, over thrown, infested we’d be, chihuahuas in little baskets as far as the eye could see. Gustavo slams down onto those dogwalk contacts with style, and hits every pole entry I throw at him. I can’t stop myself. If only dog shows happened where we practice. If I had a penny for every time I said that, I’d probably glue gun them all to the bedroom wall, overlapping like coppery fish scales and making me weep for all the dust they collect. I keep Otterpop’s frisbee on the table, tell her it’s there after she runs a course, and she runs and runs and tries her hardest, until I tell her she can go get it. If only dog shows happened where we practice. Aw hell. You get the point.
At the practice field, Ruby is 100% sound and doesn’t crash into things. Actually, that is a complete lie. And Gustavo still runs around jumps, like he just doesn’t LOOK. Otterpop misses occasional dogwalk contacts and goes ballistic if the goat across the road comes up to the fence, or if one of the wahoos in the super giant pickup drives up and climbs up on the roof of the shed where he might be able to see her. Life isn’t perfect there.
But it would still be better if we just had the stupid dog shows where we practiced.
I wonder if Surely does quantifiably better at trials at Workin' Paws than at other locations?
Hmm. And maybe I should quantify this. If only we had the stupid dog shows at our practice field and no other dogs or humans or farm animals were there and were watching. Yep. If I had a dime for every time I say that, I would build 5 foot tall shiny silvery shoes out of them and clomp around my neighborhood scaring everyone with them until the broke and the dimes scattered and everyone came out of their houses with fish nets and we all became millionaires.
If I had a nickel for every time someone said if they had a dime for every time they said if only they had the stupid dog shows at their stupid practice fields, at least one of them would be wooden and the rest probably plugged.