So last night, I set up a World Team Tryout Course from last weekend. Where all the good world teamy types were running around clean and fast trying to get their spot on the AKC team that will go compete in Germany. We just ran it at Dirt Nite. Not very glamorous. And I had a frisbee stuffed in my pants. We were just trying to get better. I ran clean with Hobbes and Otterpop, but Nancy hasn’t called me yet to give me a place on the team.
Hey Nancy, I ran it pretty good though! Really!
So afterwards, I verbally accosted my teacher and tried to get him to explain why, he, the teacher, is all better than us, and why us, the students, still make dumb mistakes and are totally dog agility knuckleheads. B-List. Not even. D-List. The lesser Kathy Griffins of dog agility. And how do we get an upgrade?
He had various reasons. We need to pay more attention in class. Burn!
He said that one a few times. We have to watch everybody. Which I think I am very, very good at, actually. I am a pro at watching others and trying to learn from their mistakes but I still am totally guilty of mistake making.
We made some new courses out of the tryouts course later, and I demonstrated some good mistakes, involving contraband tunnels due to the fact that I carry my body like a horrible scaley, immobilized crab person. Oh, and there was my signature flick away. Crap.
So here’s a little exercise that we finished up with, since it was determined that actually, all of us masters handlers need to go back to remedial agility school if we’re going to make any progress. It’s the journey, kittens.
Simple cloverleaf. Follow the instructions. If these aren’t clear enough, Mary will let us know and I’ll draw it again. Sometime when it’s not my bedtime and Gustavo doesn’t keep running outside to bark at trash cans.
If you do it right, I think that the leprachaun is supposed to drop the pot of gold on your foot and then impale you with a unicorn. Or wait. Was that the nazi? I was trying to pay attention, and this is what I come home with. Maybe why my agility skilz are stagnant.
So try this. See if you become World Team ready. Or at least your own Dirt Nite version.
Laura, I think I might have it! Will go to paint store first thing to buy paints for replicating the diagrams on the ground that will be washed away because it will probably rain again (hard) up here in Bonny Doon. And then, when I can run again (2 days to 5 years to cure a quadricep tear), I'll put on some Nine Inch Nails and GET TO WORK! And I'm not talking about get to work with my dog; Ariel, obviously has no problems, having run perfectly with two different people after I became unable to even hobble around a little sequence last night. I am very happy for Ariel, and feel extremely sorry for myself, but like you, will hitch up my trousers (I know you didn't mention that, Laura, but just saying), and try to earn my way out of the bluebird group and someday, someday, over the rainbow, join the BIRDS OF PREY GROUP. Do you think it was an omen that the big barn owl swooped down and got a mouse bold as brass right ten feet from us while we weren't even finished picking up equipment?
Is a talking parrot a bird of prey? I have always wanted a talking parrot for a pet but their sharp beaks and claws sort of scare me and also I feel sort of bad about keeping birds prisoner in cages their whole lives.
Maybe impure thoughts like this is a reason I'm still stuck in the bluebird group? Unclean mental management?
Like the owl was coming to kill us all but got a mouse instead and survival of the fittest? Did you notice the owl had a monkey face? The omen means we have to sharpen our claws and beaks and start preying on MICE!
Which is just ICE without an M that you can put on your leg and take a lot of advil and hopefully it goes away shortly.
I think you can do the drill without paints you just need to walk it dog-less a number of times first. Maybe we to have a special Not a Bluebird dog practice.
Well I've been really trying hard, just like you told us to, Laura (boy, that was pretty, er, assertive that you told Rob that it was his responsibility to make us better! but what a relief that it's on his shoulders now). And I've been studying the diagrams in between going crazy at work. And now I just had a revelation. NO DAMN WONDER I was confused!!!! The cloverleaf is the DOG'S path!!! NOW it should make sense to all you smilers on the sidelines when I kept wandering around in the box, and Rob had to take my dog because he couldn't bear it any more. I was making a damn CLOVERLEAF just like everyone was telling me to. But my path has NOTHING to do with a cloverleaf. It's a secret code swastika. I'm beginning to think my handling instincts were right all along. Maybe if I had had on my AnarchaAussies sweatshirt on I could have safely run the swastika. I think the owl was DEFINITELY a warning.
I am always happy to translate instructions. Maybe me and Rob should write an agility book, he can make stuff up with super correct grammar that will help everybody become birds of prey and I will translate for the bluebirds using slang and symbols.
Wait, aren't students supposed to yell at their teachers to make them better? I have been labeled unteachable before, so sometimes I mess up things like this.