Someone said to me recently, you should sell ads on your blog. I think this was in response to my usual whining diatribe about how nice it would be to not have to go to work and spend my days lollygagging around playing with the dogs, only taking care of my favorite, best friend horses on my imaginary fictional ranch, going to the beach, walking around in the forest, and working on art projects in the privacy of my garage. Everyone I know is used to this diatribe. Like a record that skips incessantly, right at the part where Peter Frampton is going, “Oooooh, baby I love your waaa-haay.”

Every day.

My first thought was, that’s just gross. Ads on blogs are just gross. I hate ads. I don’t want to use my personal website space to sell some kind of crap. How much money is THAT gonna make me? Enough to buy the fiction ranch?

Snort.

Maybe some of you bloggers growing rich off your ads can enlighten me here.

But then I thought, they’re right. I am supposed to be leveraging everything here. That’s how capitalism works. The path way to the American dream. The yellow brick road. The runway for airplanes on those big military ships that are the size of small subdivisions and airplanes can somehow land on them while they’re sailing across the sea looking for terrorists and probably employing dolphins and sea lions to do their dirty work.

Also, this guy from our local paper interviewed me via email the other day about dog agility. I think one of my friends wrote them and told them about her friend the dog obsessed publicity whore. Who knows. I took the bait. I don’t interview well and now all these new people will probably come in here to read the train wreck from my chirpy and banal interview answers and the least I can do is sell something with ads.

And in the spirit of what I do best, which would be create business plans where I actually don’t make the money, in fact, more likely than not, actually LOSE the money, all while using extra commas, we bring you a new ad campaign, courtesy of Team Small Dog. Who are dogs and innocent bystanders and are sleeping right here on the couch and if they knew I used their name so much in vain would probably still be all, huh? Roomba?

You are welcome to borrow these, kittens. But I think they should link back to my website. Because that’s where I sell, uh, Dog Agility?

I thought her leather jacket was super hipster bar. It actually might be pleather.

I hear a lot about these standing in line waiting for my turn at dog shows.

Righty-o?

Got to sell to some mens. Or maybe the mens can help sell to the ladies?

Mr. Ken, you can totally use this on your website if you want. Because I am all about free today.

AKC art directors, same thing. Free! Just take it! Can you wear sleeveless in the confirmation ring? I wasn’t sure.